ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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