i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
