come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
