thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
