I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
