my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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