be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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