that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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