So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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