oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is Oprah even human
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
