I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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