Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
