I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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