physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
