tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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