sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
