No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
