i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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