Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
