She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
