In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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