He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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