haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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