Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
