getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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