I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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