he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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