Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
