So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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