I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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