She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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