Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
