I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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