I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
