Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
