the day after is always just damage control
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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