i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
