I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was born a porn star she said
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
