I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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