she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
