your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
