It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
