i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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