Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
