We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
