I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
