did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
