hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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