I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
