dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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