I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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